Back in April, one of the friends
of the MLB Fan Cave,
Bryan Mapes, came up with an interesting term for whenever a player visits and
has extremely productive outings for the rest of the season. His term: The Fan
Cave Bump. A hashtag on Twitter later followed: #FanCaveBump. Now, if you go on
the Web site and look at the list of talent that rolled through and compare the
numbers, you’ll find that it was a very hit-or-miss type of phenomenon. One of
which I never really bought into… until I started really putting things
together. I’m not really sure why it took so long to come to the realization of
this pattern (I’m not an arrogant prick for starters). After going back down
the list myself one night and really reflecting upon the time we shared with
the players, the one’s that always did well were the one’s that touched and/or
fondled my beard.
Like I said
before, I’m not an arrogant prick, but I can see where one would think that.
All I ask is that you read through this list and come up with your own
conclusion afterward. But I warn you, you’re about to have your mind blown! ;)
April 10- Washington Nationals pitchers
Gio Gonzalez, Edwin Jackson and Ross Detwiler stopped by. Detwiler was making
his season debut and kept to himself a bit during the visit. I don’t blame him.
He probably had a lot on his mind. However, Gio and Jackson played around and
filmed a skit with the production crew. It was during the tour of the Fan Cave;
however, when Gio did the unthinkable. See, most people look at the beard and
think it’s fake. He was one of those people. He gave it a brief tug, we laughed
and not much was exchanged after that. Before his visit Gio gave up 4 runs in
3.2 innings, struck out 6 and walked 3. His ERA was 9.82 and his record was 0-0.
Since that day, Gio has gone 12-3 with a 2.92 ERA and 118 punch outs which put
him in the top 3 for the NL Cy Young. A little too early in the season to call
that? Maybe, but let’s move on.
April 16- Jon “Bones” Jones stopped by
to hang out and film a sketch with us. Jones was all smiles, except when he
needed to be. That man can summon up a level of darkness and project it out
without even trying. If babies were present, they would have cried. The segment
I was in took place in the basement in which Jones was coming out of the
bathroom and I told him to watch the games no matter where he goes. I think it
took us 5 or 6 takes, mostly for different angles, but in between 2 of the
takes Jones grabbed my beard. I’m assuming for luck, but it could have also
been to mess with me as mine was way more glorious than his at the time.
Jealousy! Anyway, we wrapped up and he left, only to have his UFC Light
Heavyweight title defense against Rashad Evans that Saturday. Moving ahead,
Jones kicked a moderate amount of piss out of Evans and retained his belt.
April 27- Detroit Tigers stars Miguel
Cabrera and Collin Balester rolled in to shoot a Telenovela. In between takes
Balester and I got acquainted and exchanged beard related stories as he was
growing a massive, red facial sweater similar to Erik the Red’s in the movie Willow. (Note: I did actually tell him that).
But, as bearded men know, you never cross the streams. Cabrera, on the other
hand, dove in while we were all taking a group photo without asking. Cabrera is
a large man, mind you, so it was hard to say no, but, the proof is in the
pudding: His AVG. jumped from .290 to .324 while clobbering 13 more home runs
and tallying 58 RBI.
May 3- RA Dickey and his family came in
for a brief moment before he headed out with the production crew to meet up
with some of the best wiffle ball pitchers the city of New York had to offer. Unlike my encounter
with Balester, Dickey didn’t think much of crossing the streams. He took a
brief swipe at my beard and commented on the luster of it. I then showed Dickey
the finer points of screaming, “GOT HEEEEEM!!!” Before his visit Dickey was 3-1
with a 4.45 ERA and 28 strikeouts. Since the beard touch Dickey has gone 9-0,
struck out 95, lowered his ERA to 2.40 and almost threw back to back 1-hitters
(first time since Dave Stieb in 1988). At the rate he’s going, dude pal will
more than likely compete hard for the NL Cy Young.
May 5- Cinco de Mayo!!! Not much was
supposed to happen that day other than just watching games; however, we did
receive a tip that JJ Putz and Patrick Corbin would be stopping back by the
Cave that evening after their game against the Mets. Not only did this come
true, they also brought Willie “The Igniter” Bloomquist and Aaron Hill with
them. Hill and I in the few moments we had together hit it off real well. He
and I grew up a little over an hour away from each other; he in Visalia, me in Bakersfield.
He talked a little about that, and a little about the Coliseum situation when
he found out I was an A’s fan. At the time when he came in he was batting .242
with 4 home runs and 12 RBI. As our conversation wrapped up and he was on his
way out he asked if my beard was real and took a small tug. In the process of
him reaching out I was trying to say yes, but alas, he found out himself. We
said our goodbyes and the gang trickled out. Now, this is probably one of the
more interesting/significant changes to a player who grappled with the beard.
Hill is now batting .300 with 11 home runs and 40 RBI, plus he racked up 70
more hits at the break. I think that’s it… oh wait!!! That’s right, he hit for
the cycle twice in 11 days becoming the only the third person in MLB history
(Babe Herman and John Reilly) to do so. Wild!!!
May 14- Milwaukee Brewers catcher
Jonathan Lucroy fielded some question with the other Cave Dwellers and me.
Throughout our chatting and goofing around, Lucroy gained a massive fondness
for my beard. He had some pretty sweet growth going for himself, but the man
seriously had a “man crush” on mine. Toward the end of his visit I asked to
snag a photo with him, at which he happily did so. As you can see in the photo
below, Lucroy got himself a huge handful of beard. At this moment I should also
point out that it’s his right hand that he’s scavenging with. Prior to his
visit, Lucroy was hitting a respectable .323, which is awesome for a catcher,
and 2 home runs to boot. Since that visit; however, he bumped it up to .345
with 3 more home runs and an additional 14 RBI. The man was straight money…
until tragedy struck. Lucroy ended up breaking the same hand in which he got a
ferocious handful of awesomeness. The unfortunate moral here? A little goes a
long way. You generally don’t need more than a handful.
May 17- Time will tell on this one, but
bear with me. As part of the Fan Cave Concert Series, we were lucky to have The
Voice’s season 2 winner Jermaine Paul stop by and croon a bit for us. After
belting out some great songs, Paul came to the back to chat with us. I was the
second in line to shake his hand and congratulate him on a great show when… he
immediately grabbed my beard and started to braid it. I felt a bit like a
turtle on its back, not knowing quite what to do. Not to be rude, I just let
him go to work. Now, I say time will tell because he’s in the midst of cutting
his first album since his victory on The Voice. I suppose we’ll have to wait
and see how the album does in sales to really call this one. I’m setting the
line at double platinum.
May 18- The Cave was honored to have
Jay Bruce, Drew Stubbs and Brandon Phillips stop by. Phillips stayed for a
shorter than the others, but I quickly learned that he is an incredibly cool
dude who developed a small fondness for my beard. We only had a few moments of
chatter together, but at the end of it, like Aaron Hill, he asked if it was
real and gave it a small tug and had a good laugh. At the time when he rolled
in he was hitting .252 with 2 home runs and 13 RBI. Not exactly the numbers
we’re used to seeing. Since the tug Phillips has boosted his BA by 28 points,
popped 8 more home runs and 35 RBI; which is a much needed jump for a guy who
hits in the cleanup spot.
May 21- Kansas City Royals Hall of
Famer George Brett stopped by and chatted it up with Time magazine writer Joel Stein on the topic of manliness. I’m
actually not joking. After all was said and done I had asked George if he
wouldn’t mind helping me with a video about a Babe Ruth jersey which sold for
$4.5 million. His response, “Yah, let’s fuckin’ do it.” We got upstairs,
cranked it out and during the filming he talked about how much my beard might
be worth and gave it a good tug. Obviously his career can’t really get any
better. The Hall of Fame pretty much sealed it a long time ago, but, the man is
an avid golfer. My guess, within the next year he’ll nail at least 2
hole-in-one shots. Yah, it seems minimal, but what else is there for the man to
really do? He’s all ready won at life!
